just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
