with your own penis?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
