whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
