oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
