You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
