hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This house was built for laser tag.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
