i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
