Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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