I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
