yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
