Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
