the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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