I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize