Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
