Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
