im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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