We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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