I hate your face
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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