Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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