I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
