I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
