you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
