i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
