Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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