Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
