I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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