please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
