Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
