I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the condom got lost in my hair
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
