I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
