then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
