I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Michael Bay diarrhea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
