Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
