apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
