This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
