Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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