mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
