Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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