she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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