SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
