i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize