I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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