living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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