I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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