just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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