I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we're so committed to being not committed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
