Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
