Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
