It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
