She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Green mimosas i think yes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
