I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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