I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
