It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
