I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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