woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
