pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
