Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
