Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
