i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
