Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
