I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
