bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
