I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
