ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
