At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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