I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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