its not stalking. its research.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
