i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
