omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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