life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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