WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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