they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
