I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
